Dear Sleep!

I'm sorry I haven't been spending much time with you nowadays. We're only together for four to five hours every night, which I admit, isn't quality time together. I do try to make it up with you on the weekends though, most weekends we spend nearly half the day together in my bed. Although yes, I agree with you that that's not the way how our relationship should be.It's not that I don't love you anymore, I still do. You know how I don't want to leave you every morning. It's not as if I don't think of you anymore - I think about you everyday, especially when I leave for work, and even while at work too. I talk about you to my friends at times.I admit, I wouldn't have known just how much I've been neglecting you if Alex did not confess to us about his relationship with you. I won't say that I was shocked, I knew we always had an understanding regarding our open relationship. You need to be with other people but you always came back to me, we have that special something. But I was a bit disappointed that you'd been paying Alex very regular visits too. I guess I've disappointed you one time too many too. Would a threesome with Alex be somewhere in our distant future, just to patch things up? I don't think so, people will object. Plus, I rather have you all to myself.I'll confess that I've been spending time with your sibling Nap too. We met up during my lunch break, and we bond in my car. Yes, I admit I'm that weak, that I succumbed. Nap tried to see to my needs, but my mind was always on you! You, Sleep, You!Just like how you need to be with nearly everyone else everyday (how lucky for you to be omnipresent), we too have to spend time with others, so that we aren't seen poorly by them. Internet is now our colleague at work, sometimes after work we do talk about casual matters. He also puts us in contact with other people. With Gym, well, we have a set timetable and he's never ever taken time away from you.The Games and Hobbies families are a handful, and we need to dedicate time to certain family members every now and then. Boardgame is fine meeting up once every now and then. Console only calls us when he has something new that catches our interest. Portable is a keen kid, follows us everywhere to play with us when we're free. Reading joins us for mealtimes mostly. True, occasionally they all keep us from you. I'll have a chat with them about it.All right. I won't make any more excuses. You know how I can't live without you. I'm addicted to you - I'm always reminded of your absence if I don't get enough of you. And I haven't been getting enough of you. Come back to bed. Be one with me again.Yours always,Janvier.

My Pack!

1: One pair of brown leather Gucci boots (which I don’t like wearing in adverse weather conditions because I’m scared I’ll ruin them), one pair of brown Timberland boots (which I don’t like wearing because they are fucking hard and painful and I can’t walk in them), one pair of Nike Air Force One white trainers (which only go with shorts so I can’t really wear in Iceland anyway).

2. Three pairs of jeans (2 pairs from Diesel, 1 pair from Energie). I don’t know how well a pair of jeans manages to keep you warm in sub-zero temperatures so I’m also taking…

3. …a pair of candy striped (white / pale blue / pink) pajama bottoms from H&M and my old tae-kwon-do trousers to wear underneath my jeans (must dress in layers).

4. Two big coats. One navy blue pea coat from Ralph Lauren and one white, waterproof coat from Polo Sport by Ralph Lauren, which should help me blend in with the snow and avoid aggressive reindeer if circumstances call for it.

5. Six pairs of football socks to be worn on top of each other (simultaneously). Also there, two pairs of gloves (one pair of black leather gloves from Hugo Boss, one pair of grey woolen gloves form Replay to be worn in top of each other (ditto).

6. Old t-shirt, old pair of shorts to wear in bed at night. Naturally t-shirt will be tucked in underwear, shorts will be added on top, football socks will be worn pulled up to the knees.

7. Long sleeved tops. These include 2 jumpers from Lyle & Scott, 1 jumper from H&M, 1 Dolce & Gabbana sweater, 1 sweat top from Boxfresh.

8. Two long sleeved shirts (1 pink from H&M, 1 blue striped one from the Gap) to be worn underneath sweaters, for that timeless “Mummy taught me to dress in layers” look.

9. Short sleeved tops. Three t-shirts, three polo shorts. Amazingly, none of these tops are skin tight and disgustingly revealing, as I’m only planning to wear them underneath jumpers / other tops for layering.

10. Headwear. The highlight of the trip for me. One knitted hat bought from market stall in Athens, one wool and fur lined trapper hat from Kangol. I have great hopes for this hat, as it’s my best shot at fitting in with the locals.

11. Scarves. One navy blue scarf from Marks & Spencer’s (acquired through office secret Santa 2 years ago), one brown and purple striped scarf from Prada (stolen from sister). This is my only opportunity to wear scarves with good reason, as I generally consider scarf use superfluous and very gay.

12. Six pairs of underwear. Five pairs of white cotton boxers from Marks & Spencer plus one pair of green cotton boxer briefs with tropical pattern from Bjorn Borg (to spice things up).

13. Black carrier bag from Pringle. This was a very hopeful assumption, before I laid enough clothes to stay in Iceland for 6 months on my bed. Old black hard suitcase with broken wheel will have

Shopping Time!

yesterday i was with my friend, i called her the queen of plaza, which is spanish for mall. she knows everything. when she called me earlier that day i asked her if she is breaking her promise that she will not shop this month because her credit card is filled up to its maximum limit after she went on a shopping frenzy the past months. she said we will just look around. she wants to get this teddy bear that you have to dressed up, its not really pricey but the problem is you have to go to the store early if you don't want to line up because this shop is very popular and everyday its raking in thousands of dollars in profit. it seems the easiest way to the heart of any puerto rican is through a teddy bear. there's really nothing special about the store its the concept. once you get your teddy bear, you have to shop for his shirt, underwear, short, shoes, watch, accessories, hat, in other words its like baby shopping. which translates into dollar amount for the store owner. such a clever idea. later on that day after being in line for almost two hours for that teddy bear. both of us are exhausted, we had some pasta and strawberry shakes. i popped the question to her, not the proposal one, silly, i asked her what's the difference between banana republic, gap and old navy. she said in her matter of fact tone, if you are cash less and you want a shirt you have to do it the navy way. if you like to see cute ones, you have to go to gap, cause it seems most of their sales clerk is cute these days. and if you want to have the studio feel experience you have to trust the banana. but she warned me the thing with going with the studio feel, is that you have to pay the extra cash. it turned out she was wrong, i got a five dollar shirt at banana republic and i shed thirty five for a short at the navy. and that's when i lost her. i hate doing this but i reported her name to the mall's information center. and so she was in the lost person list. her description and name was announced in the mall's loud speaker. actually i was thinking of going to office depot, do a photocopy of her picture which is in my wallet and paste it on the walmart's missing persons wall right by the store's entrance, i was gonna do that next but minutes later she came to the information desk, was all red all over, with an embarrassed look, she said to me i should not have done that, i asked her done what, you were missing, i told her that i panicked, i looked all over the place and still i can't find her, i mean this is a huge mall, the biggest in the whole US, so what does she expect me to do but resort to desperate measures, she doesn't mind that her name was announced all over the place but its the description that bothered her she said i should have said nutrition challenged instead of the word kinda fat or she added i should have gone jenny craig patient. i laughed. i apologized. both of us laughed. what stops me from making another giggle is that she told me we have to line up again for those smiling teddy bears. which also means that we will again be stuck for hours cause the line would be literally outside the store by the time we get there.

Innocent!

the other day, i was in the city, walking through all the old spanish buildings which i always enjoyed doing, i saw this building with a powerful poster. its amazing how a simple face can create a strong impact, eden spa had produced a very creative campaign. from passerbys, they are sending a message that if we come in and use their spa and avail of all their services we will come out rejuvenated, with a renewed fresh and relaxed feelings. i hate first times, the first time i make out with someone i think i was already nineteen. i went through all my teenage years without even having a single experience of what it is and how it feels. it actually seems weird. it was my first time, and that person is much older than me. after that, i came out full of guilt. because i know someday i will look back and will hate myself for doing it with that person at that time in that circumstances at that situation and worst of all in that location. like wind, that person vanishes into thin air. i have never seen my first time again. rico is all sweated up. its his first time to. he keeps on fumbling through the dirty towels, he broke three plates earlier, brought the food to different tables, got a wrong wine to the wrong person. and worst of all, he bumped into a customer together with the curried shrimp he's carrying. he knows he will lose his job. but he need this very badly because he has a pregnant girl friend back in his apartment who won't go home to her parents because of the deed that they both did. rico asked me if i think he will be fired. i looked at him, and told him, not to worry so much. the night is still young, the restaurant is packed, lots of customers out there, if he made mistakes earlier he still has lots of opportunities to make up for that. and besides i told him, when i was just starting out, i made serious mistakes too. you did not break the glass in front of the customer or spill burning tea on somebody else's neck, but i did. i came home so depressed that night, luckily i did not lose my job, and i also realized that waitering is one of the hardest job in the world, because its not only bringing the food from the kitchen but its a complex job, there's so much things going on, so many things to remember and at the same time, you have to strive towards perfection, together with all the stress around you from customers, fellow waiters, boss and the kitchen people, its so hard. but you have to balance everything and be on top of it if not, you will go home with a two dollar tip. i pat his back. he smiled at me again. his smile reminds me of myself from yester years, that's the same smile that leads me to my first time, that i now regretted doing. few days ago, i picked up a mail. its a postcard from my old friend rico, he said he has two kids now and another one on the way, and to my surprise, he told me that he just opened his own restaurant and sheepishly admitted that he still makes the same mistake, wrong food on wrong table, shrimps on customers shirt.

Men's Rule:

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are'OUR' rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping. Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh. Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education!!

A Simple Blog!

a simple blog.look at thestars! look how they shine for you and everything you do yeah they were allyellow i came along i wrote a song for you and all the things you do yeah itwascalled yellow so then i took my time oh what a thing to've done and itwas allyellowyou're skin oh yeah you're skin and bones turned in tosomethingbeautiful and you know you know i love you so you know i love yousocircumferencei wander aimlessly, my white wingsoutstretched to theedge of the world.inch by inch foot by foot i floatcloser to nowhere,closer to nothinga world reveals itself under me, asi observe withlonesome eyes.endless it may seem, this empty life ismore complete thatanything.the illustrious mountain top, with itssprinkle of snow and flurryof forest.emerging from the world beneathmy wings, she recognizes myexistence.that sole soul reaches out to me,touches me, knows me.themountain stands sedentary, yet tall and proud,her own existence visible.iapproach her, adore her, understand her,praise her for the gift she has givenme.i pass through her radiantlandscapes, every detail appreciated, allmemories cherished.my grasploosens as i drift further and further to whatlies ahead.yet on thispath i chose, i bring the knowledge that one day iwill return.returnto her, return from my journey through a now edgelessworld.....!

SPIRIT BOYS!

Sa lahat ng mga bagay na nangyari sa "BATCH '06, SECTION-ZAINAB" ay mga mga pangyayaring di ko talaga makakalimutan tulad kantiyawan, tawanan, iyakan, pikonan at sa madaling sabi "BUHAY ESTUDYANTE o HIGH SCHOOL LIFE". Mga iba't-ibang mukha na nagmula sa iba't-ibang lugar ang nakatagpo ng mga taong masasabing naging parte ng kanilang buhay sa maikling panahon lalong-lalo na ang grupong "SPIRIT BOYS", siyempre isa ako sa kanila!Siya nga pala ako si "HAMDI M. DAGADAS a.k.a. THOR" Nag-aaral ako ngayon sa "MA'HAD KUTAWATO COLLEGES" sa una ang kakilala ko lamang ay ang mga mga pinsan kong sina "MERHANA DAGADAS at "HAMIMA DAGADAS" Sa kanilang dalawa si "MHER" ang kasundo ko talaga! aanupama't tunay kong pinsan!Sa kalaunan ay nakilala ko ang isa sa magiging miyembro ng "SPIRITS " si "FAHAD BAYAO a.k.a. "JHONNY" siya rin ang kauna-unahang naging "BESTFRIEND" ko sa taga "MAHADENIANS" minsan nagkayayaan kaming maglaro ng "ON-LINE GAMES" amabait at matalinong estudyante si "FAHAD" lalo nong makilala ko ang kanyang pamilya! Sobrang masipag at masunurin siyang anak.Sumunod kong nakilala si "JOEHARI MONTERO" a.k.a."JESSEY" katulad namin ni "FAHAD" ay typical ding estudyante si "JOEHARI"; mahilig din siyang maglaro ng mga "ON-LINE GAMES" at "mag-SKITCH" ng mga "ANIME CHARCTERS."Si "MOHAMMAD ALI PASIGAN a.k.a. RED" ang sunod naming nakilala at naging miyembro namin sa "SPIRIT". Anak ng may-ari ng "PEPSI COMPANY" sa "CENTRAL CITY" at paaralang kapwa naming pinapasukan. Sa una ay naiilang kaming lumapit at makipagkaibigan sa kanya lalong-lalo na ako sa kilala sa pagiging "MAYABANG" pero yon din ang naging dahilan upang mapalapit siya sa amin! may mga bagay kasi na may pagkukulang sa kanya! tulad halimabawa ang pagtanggap sa kanya bilang siya at kung ano siya at doon lumabas ang totoo niyang ugali!Sumunod kong nakilala si "MONAIM ARAGASSI" a.k.a. "CHE". tahimik at simple si "MONAIM" ikanga "NASA LOOB ANG KULO". Hindi namin inaakala na magiging miyembro siya ng aming grupo!At ang panghuli ay si" MOHAMMAD FAHHAD DAUD" A.K.A. "DUDE" ANGAS! TARANTADO! GAGO! ASTIG! IYAN ANG UNANG IMPRESSION NG KLASE SA KANYA! pero sa lahat ng mga iyon ay naging daan upang matanggap niya akombilang "BESTFRIEND" niya! at siya rin ang dahilan upang matagpuan ko ang sarili ko bilang estudyante! masasabing B.I. (BAD INFLUENCE) siya sa akin pero tanggap ang lahat ng iyon dahil ako ay ako at di na pwedeng baguhin ng sinuman!Ngayon ay may buhay ang bawat isa sa amin! tumuntong din kami sa wakas sa kolehiyo! ang ang bawat isa ay tinatahak na ang landas tungo sa aming kinabukasan!

Some Question I asked to Mysel!

I got to chat with someone at G4M. I thought he's going to become a boring one, until we started talking about dating. He said that he hasn't been dating anyone for a year now, because no one's asking him out at all. However, he has no problem asking someone out, in fact he's always the one asking a guy out and he always wonder if there's something wrong with him on why hasn't anyone asked him out yet.*I asked myself the same question,*Why hasn't any guy asked me out before?I tried to analyze my situation and learned that I may not always be in the right place to expect someone to ask me out. When I'm not at home, I'm simply at work. But sometimes, I go to some places alone, like the mall or cinemas - but no one has asked me out. I am also alone when I travel to work and to home - and so far, there's one who bravely asked me out... however, just for sex - which I declined from.*Do I really need to be in a place where a number of gay guys or bisexual guys is concentrated?*Must I go to coffee shop alone and hope that a guy would approach my table?*Why does my crush at work never asked me to go out with him, even just as straight male friends?*Why haven't I asked him to go out with me?

No Quitting!

For Fahhad,Let me just start by saying that I have decided not to end this blog anytime soon. Thing is, I received a couple of messages on Friendster that made me reconsider my decision. I mean, yeah I might be busy but that doesn't mean I have to quit blogging. Also, my schedule is a wee-bit less stressful now so this'll give me more time to blog and catch up on other people's blogs. Oh, so many things happened.First, I want to say thank you to everyone who emailed me. I may have not been able to email everyone back but you guys know who you are. I also find that a lot of people are stressed from work these days and depressed. I take comfort in the thought that I am not alone. Fahhad writes to me saying that he is also going through a deep depression. I am no longer depressed but I know the situation he is going through. Depression is often disabling and affects a person's work, family and school life, sleeping and eating habits, general health and ability to enjoy life. It involves the body, mood, and thoughts and that cannot simply be willed or wished away.I sometimes feel that the adversities we go through are sort of "tests" as to how resilient we are. While some still function reasonably well, most who are suffering from depression will suffer from a noticeable change in their social activities and life, a loss of interest in school or work, and possibly drastic changes in appearance.Nestor, don't lose on this battle. I won and you will too.God has a reason for everything he gives us. To make you feel better, let me share a story. Earlier last month, I was told by a friend, Joemar Bayutas, that the organizers of the Miss Cotabato City contest would like to have me as host to their show. I immediately declined because everyone who knows me knows that I only host events that are within the Negros Oriental area, but Geri literally begged me to do it. It turns out, the director of the show was managing one of my fellow contestants in the Hari ng Negros contest and he specifically requested me to do it. Pagadian City is 5-6 hours from Cotabato City and is already in the neighboring province so that worried me a bit. I hate traveling alone. But since Edwardo and I go way back (he has done my makeup several times, including my farewell walk), I told him that I the reason why I'm considering it is because of him. So on the surprise birthday party that the Spirit Boys Organization held for me last September 13, I told Geri that I will wait for the confirmation from the organizers themselves.Weeks passed, and I got no confirmation so the thought left my head. But as of two weeks ago, I got a text message from a guy named RJ, saying that I was still hosting. This surprised me a bit, but I replied saying that if he could send me a letter of confirmation it would be great. I've been hosting events for a few years now (even way before Teen Bikini Open) and this is always standard operating procedure. I mean, I don't want to go there on the actual date and be told that I wasn't the host, right?Days passed and I still got no confirmation, so again, feeling that I was left hanging in the air, I let the thought slip my mind. But days ago, RJ texted me again saying that his letter was sent back by JRS and that my address didn't exist. I replied to him saying that my address does exist in fact this is where I usually receive my money order payments for my business. So I told him, he can simply email me the letter (up until yesterday, RJ has only communicated with me through text.)But again, two days ago he told me that the letter has been emailed (which wasn't because I kept checking my mailbox the whole day in search for the "letter"). It was at this point when I started scratching my head. Is this guy for real? Does he think he's working with a kid here? My show, at random airs Sunday nights and the contest is also on a Sunday so I needed my confirmation now. So I thought, maybe they found another host and now I can go back to my work. But I then received a text message from Edwardo asking me when I was leaving for Cotabato. It really caught me by surprise so last night, I texted Ali, asking him if I was still hosting and if I was, I would need the confirmation email by today, October 30. I'm not asking for much, just an email.It was at this point when he sent me this sms (verbatim): "D committee now decided NOT to hire you as host anymore.we hav done our best to send u d letter.we even had a copy from JRS noting that ur address is unidentifiable.you maybe one of the best hosts intown,bt then again,there are stil others we can get dat is mor down to earth,approachable,and easy to be with than you.thanks for your time anyway.and have a great nite!Vamos Cotabato!"I could not believe what I had just read.First of all, how can he say that I am not "down to earth, approachable,and easy to be with" when I still have to work with him? I have hosted a myriad of pageants in my life and organizers happen to love my work ethic -- and that's why I get rehired all the time. I still have to hear an organizer say that I am "difficult" having around. Edwardo, who I hosted for at the Miss Teen Bikini Open pageant knows me too well for this so I forwarded RJ's message to him (as I was truly humiliated with the language used by this guy towards me).It was Geri, after all, who asked me to do this in the first place.Geri replied: "Frnd, ru sure ur nt hostng na? Laina pd nila oi.Bsn na tense ra cya..Lacd pd oi.Dugay na btaw ko gasulti nla na e cnfrm ka.. Kana rj frnd,ang chairman.Dn ang ga sugest s c sony ang director,katng manager mr.Escalante lastyr n mr.Calatrava..Si Elmer ang nipatabang nako og convince nim0, sori gd friend. Bisan natola sila. not use on organizing big pageants, Hehehehe.! Di sanay sa presures.Sayangan gud ko friend.Sige lang ha!" Translation: "Friend, are you sure you're not hosting anymore? They are so mean. Maybe he just got tensed.. That sucks. Thing is, I've been reminding them for a long time to confirm you. Friend, that RJ guy is the Chairman. And the one who suggested you is Sonny, the Director. He was the manager of Mr. Joselito Dilao last year (Prince of Bikini Open) and Mr. Ariel Albor this year.. It was Sonny who asked my help in convincing you. I am so sorry, friend. Maybe they couldn't handle it. They're not used to organizing big pageants, hehe. Not used to pressures. I think it is a waste. It's okay, okay?"So that's what it is. I thought to myself, since when did being professional become unapproachable? He didn't have to use those words on me. I texted Samen (verbatim): "Oh cool. I only work with professionals. I think you misunderstood my request as being not 'easy to work with'. RJ, all I asked for was a letter saying I was hosting. That's for my own security when I get there. And oh, I counted myself out the day you made unnecessary accusations about my address. And surprise, you are still accusatory now. You are definitely down on my book. Bye."And that was that. Markenneth, the world is really full of mean people. Getting yourself down is what they want to see. Don't give them that. You will grow from this. Experience makes us stronger and more resilient and all this is is chicken shit, really. And when the going gets tough, I am just an email away.

Complicated!

1. I am complicated person. Yet, I believe I am fairly simple one way or another.

2. I have a liberated concept of what life should be. But our values are traditional, my principles are old-school thinking.


3. I am not perfect, and I don't even try to be. I make a lot of mistakes, but I try to learn as much from them as possible.


4. My weakness is my impatience. I am known as the impatient bitch. I hate waiting, and it often gets me in trouble.


5. It seems that I always fall for the wrong guys. It's either they're much too flawed to the point that I get taken for granted or too perfect that I can't measure up to their standards because of our own personal flaws.


6. I read to escape. I write to express. I dance to release.


7. I value acceptance. I loathe narrow-mindedness.

8. My favorite sin is vanity. For me it is therapeutic.


9. I laugh a lot. I make people laugh. People laugh at me. I laugh at them. Together, we laugh at life.


10. I'm not weird, I'm eccentric; I'm not crazy, only delusional.