your crazy friends....

I don't exactly like drinking, getting tipsy and walking drunk but it's a state i prefer to be in when you hold me close. if i drank a little too much the pain isn't as intense as it is right now, as i sit alone in the darkness hugging my knees close. the bitter taste of alcohol somehow forms this protective skin around my heart making it a bit less affected of the reality that your breath against my skin is a temporary luxury to be enjoyed while it lasted. when you hold me then, all i need to do is submit to the miscalculated fantasies and i'm on cloud 9.but after all that, let's be honest to each other. you and i can live without the other. the reason i really stayed in the first place is the thought that above everyone else, i was the one who made you smile the widest, laugh the hardest, who made you feel at ease, the one who made you feel you needn't pretend to be anyone else but yourself--i thought you needed me. but maybe just maybe, on certain days, when the sun isn't shining on you, you might think of me and wish i was there. but the sun is often up and there's simply no need to call your friend. i guess i'm a fire hydrant: break glass in case of emergency. hahaha... funny how i can inject a little humor when i'm actually trying the best words to say goodbye.you're no different from the men who's been trying to win my heart right now. money has never been a question. none of them needed more of it. attitude, personality and inner beauty isn't really their point for improvement. when they look at the mirror, i bet they smile, grateful for what was bequeathed to them. but why you? clearly, i myself don't have any idea. i just know that when i'm close to you, you're the one who makes my heart beat the fastest, makes me smile a genuine smile, and laugh to my heart's content. i can be myself...i can't say goodbye just yet though because i'm just full of crap right now. know that i'd ask for space and just all of a sudden ask you to show up. i've always been so silly. when will i stop whining and worrying? you call it my OA moment and i wish i could end to all of that.hay, if you could only read all these silly scribbles, you'd be disgusted. if you, in some strange way get the URL for this blog, i hope you don't listen to what i'm saying here. i'm your crazy friend.